Losing My Sh*t: One Month

My almost-6-month old baby slept almost three hours during this morning's nap!

Holy cow!

It's working... it's really working! Schedules are a marvelous thing.

Yo-tan got thrown off a bit the past two weeks. He caught a cold (runny nose, cough that developed briefly into croup, extra spit-up/throw up) and that really messed with his sleep. He's also right in the midst of a developmental leap (Wonder Weeks #23-26), so that also messed with naps, but really more so with his nighttime sleep. There's also a small possibility he is teething. He has been gnawing on things incessantly lately, including my finger and my face (always entertaining), and his older brother's first two teeth came in at 6-6.5 months. Lastly, we traveled a bit for the weekend, visiting my in-laws and sleeping at their house Friday night through Sunday morning. WHEW!

But even with all that working against us, we have still been getting better with each passing week. Two weeks ago, I decided that it was just about time to help him graduate from the 90-minute nap method and make the switch from three daily naps to two (six months of age is approximately when that happens). Based on his current sleep cycle, 10am and 2pm seemed to be optimal. Some days work better than others and, logically, as he gets older, it's working better (like today, for example).

Don't get me wrong. We still have thirty minute naps (our second nap today was exactly that long), but I usually get at least one long nap from him daily. He's also gotten much better at falling asleep by himself. This is most likely due to my getting better at not quite nursing him to sleep. Well.... let me explain. When he's ridiculously tired, he'll fall asleep nursing, but before I put him down, I will unlatch him (or he'll now unlatch himself 70% of the time) and pat him on my shoulder before putting him in his crib. He almost always burps, shifts, and rearranges himself on his mattress. He does sort of wake up... whatever it is, it works for us.

Even in the middle of the night, when he wakes up, he doesn't always cry immediately. At times, he will chatter and squeak to himself as he exercises. I'll wake up, listen, and fall in and out of sleep until he decides what he wants to do.

Last night he finally felt better physically (the few nights before were miserable; he was waking up at least every two hours). But last night, Yo-tan only woke up twice (once at 3am, though that might have been due to a power outage which caused the A/C to turn off and the room to heat up), the second time being at 4:35am. Both times he stayed up for at least 20-25 minutes - ugh. He was practicing lifting his body off the mattress.

For some reason, he thinks that 3/4am is the perfect time to practice the precursor to crawling. I don't know why... maybe because it's quiet and no one pesters him to sit, stand, or look cute for the camera.

Whatever the reason, he finally passed out again and slept until 7:40am - in his own bed! It felt wonderful.

I am still putting him to sleep earlier than I did his brother (Yo-tan falls asleep, on average, around 5:45-6pm; his brother used to go to sleep about an hour later), but hey, I'd totally be okay with him waking up around 6:30am-7am. As such, I've been trying to push the baby's bedtime a bit, but he's just not ready for it quite yet, probably due to those annoying thirty minute naps.

Another bonus? His moods! He's a much happier baby... Of course he is; He's sleeping more and is less tired during the day. He smiles even more than he did before and plays/sits/does everything better. His joy is my joy and we both smile and are happier people than we were a month ago.

His original nighttime sleep stretches have gotten increasingly longer as well... he's consistently been giving us 4-4.5, then 5 hours before waking up (which is nice since we'd like to actually go on a date soon without worrying that he'll wake up before our return).

So far, he fell asleep tonight around 6:15pm. It's now 12:20am. Of course I'm getting a little nervous and keep checking the monitor to make sure he's breathing, but all seems well and quiet on the home front.

Yes. Schedules are a marvelous thing.



(Note: he woke up briefly five minutes later and only twice again all night!)

Losing My Sh*t: Two Week Update

Last week, after my one week update, little Yo-tan continued to improve. I was feeling pretty good about my skills as an Ima (mommy). He had two naps on Thursday that were each almost an hour! Then on Friday, he had a nap that was about 70 minutes (how do I know? I use a free app called Baby Daybook that lets me keep track of everything)!

DAYTIME:

But then we had a bit of a setback over the weekend... I was really exhausted, so instead of putting baby to nap in his bed for his morning nap, I laid down with him and let him nurse while he napped. I did this for a couple days. It was wonderful bonding time (I love snuggling with him; he's so solid), but there was a downside over the next day or two: he started "fighting" with me over going down at naptime, which meant that I had to go back to nursing him to sleep and try the unlatching "Pantley" method (which I did on and off).

I started beating myself up about it, but then a few of the nights, when I would put Yo-tan down after our routine, he would squeak to himself (he's become extremely chatty over the past week)... and squeak... and squeak. I waited for the squeaks to become kvetches and then cries, but they didn't! Okay, a few nights they did, but there were also a few nights where he just squeaked himself to quiet sleep (like last night)! I didn't believe it; I had serious doubts. I really didn't think it could happen... but it did.

The fact that he would still fall asleep gently, despite the setbacks, made me feel better about not being super strict about the routine (I wouldn't recommend it though; I think it just makes everything take longer).

I had so little faith that my actions would succeed that I would even leave the bedroom and come out to my husband, warning him that when the baby squawked, it would be his turn to go in (since he didn't smell like milk). And then, nothing! The wonderful silence that comes with a sleeping baby.

It's also been difficult this week because Yo-tan has learned to sit up. We all know that when a baby learns a new skill, they want to practice it all.the.time. Yup. He's also teething on and off. And Yo-tan also now gets distracted, so easily, by everything. He gets distracted when nursing, when going to sleep, whenever. Add that into his new skill sets and it's a recipe for trouble at bedtime.

Even so, on Sunday we had a 90-minute nap (okay, yea, we also had a lousy 24-minute nap), on Monday we had a 76-minute nap (yes, we also had a 32-minute nap), yesterday we had a 95-minute nap (he slept for 30 minutes in his bed and the rest with me) and two separate half hour naps (yesterday wasn't great), but today Yo-tan made me feel good about myself (funny how our self-worth sometimes gets so wrapped up with babies)... THERE IS AN IMPROVEMENT!!!! I never used to have any naps longer than 40 minutes and those were what made me happy. WOO HOO!

Late this morning I put him for a nap by nursing him to sleep because he was fighting me again, and he woke up only 27 minutes after he went down. Fantastic. Grumble. But I didn't go in right away to get him and HE FELL BACK ASLEEP for almost another hour! There IS a reason it's important to remove associations from your baby's sleep, and this is precisely why. More cheering!

BEDTIME:

As for his nighttime sleeps, out of the past week, I had a couple nights where he slept for 4-6 hour chunks (rather than 2-3). It was really nice and helped me feel better the next day. I've also (still) been working on not immediately responding to his noises (I lay awake and listen) and there have been a few times where he's fallen back asleep. Maybe it's only for 45 minutes, but I figure it's part of the process.

It seems that the better daytime naps do, in fact, lead to better sleeping at night, but it's a process. Keep at it even if/when you doubt it'll work. I've seen slow improvement, but I have seen improvement. It has saved my sanity, which, in turn, has made me happy, my husband happy, and my family happier.

I'll keep the updates coming - hopefully my blogs help SOMEONE out there suffering from the same thing. HANG IN THERE, mommas!

My little Israeli חיל

Tonight at 8:00pm, during ElyZ's bedtime routine, we heard the 60-second siren outside his window signifying the losses we commemorate on Yom HaZikaron. It's full name is יוֹם הזִּכָּרוֹן לַחֲלָלֵי מַעֲרָכוֹת יִשְׂרָאֵל וּלְנִפְגְעֵי פְעוּלוֹת הָאֵיבָה. In English, it's a day dedicated to Israel's fallen soldiers and victims of terrorism.

I had been teaching my little two year old blondini about sirens (he's obsessed with fire trucks this week) and taught him that if he listens quietly (shhh...), he might hear a fire truck siren outside. At 8:00pm, the siren sounded and my husband and I stood up. ElyZ burst out crying so I picked him up and held him during those emotional moments. I wondered if he could feel the purpose of the siren...

I imagined the rest of the country, all the vehicles stopping on the highways and streets, people exiting their cars and standing at their side, people standing inside their homes, at bus stops, stopping any shopping or chatting and standing at attention... everywhere, every city, north to south, east to west.

Quiet in Tel Aviv.
Quiet in Jerusalem.
Quiet in Haifa.
Quiet in Be'er Sheva.
Quiet on the beach.
Quiet on the roads.
Quiet in the mountains.
Quiet... but for a sixty-second siren.

After ElyZ (and I) calmed down, he quietly asked if it was a fire truck siren and afterward I explained to him that the siren was for all of Israel's chayalim (soldiers). I explained how the chayalim keep us safe and protect our country of Israel. I taught my little Israeli to say todah chayalim and as I held him close, as he was laying quietly on me, breathing gently, with my arms wrapped around him, I imagined him six feet tall, blond, strong, wearing Israeli IDF green.

Wearing a beret.

Carrying an M-16.

In fifteen short years, my son will be receiving his papers from the army. That's not a lot of time to prepare yourself emotionally, to confront the reality of life here. The conflict that lies in your heart: the immeasurable fear that something might happen versus the almost-intolerable pride that goes along with who he will be and what he will do.

My son, my Israeli son, defending our country. 
My son, my Israeli son, defending his fellow Jews and our right to exist.
My son, my Israeli son, pride of his little brother, pride of my husband and me. 
My son, my Israeli son, may G-d please bless, protect, and keep him and all of the other Israeli soldiers.

My two sons (and any other children I will have) will be the backbone of this country and I will thank them for their service, just as I thank chayalim today. I cannot imagine the anguish of the families who have given the ultimate sacrifice and pray that I never have to...

To the families of the fallen soldiers and victims of terror:

המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים

May the Almighty comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Selected Readings for Yom HaZikaron

Losing my Sh*t (or what caused me to be more strict about sleepytimes): Days 1 and 2

Yesterday Afternoon

After yet another day of crappy napping by my little one, now practically five months old (no more than 2-3 naps per day, each nap lasting maybe 30-40 minutes tops), I was at my wits' end. This had been going on for about two months. My husband was out picking up my oldest from Gan (educational daycare) and I was about to cry. I was exhausted because my baby (Tantan) doesn't sleep great at night (especially the second half of the night) and yesterday was especially bad during daytime hours. I didn't know what else to do and I needed to vent.

I stood up, left my apartment and my building and went outside. Both Tantan and I calmed down in the gorgeous weather (we live in a basement apartment), and I emailed a good friend, a father of six kids. He responded within eight minutes and, as usual, helped me feel much better. It was at that point I posted my feelings on a Facebook mommy group; I got a ridiculous amount of responses, a lot of advice, hugs, and reassurances. Most of it helped me feel better and some of it seemed very helpful.

I decided to institute a change in my sleeping policy for the Little.

Old Routines (which weren't horrible, but weren't working anymore):

I knew he had to fall asleep by himself more often than he was. Currently, his nighttime schedule was: in our darkened bedroom where he sleeps, change his diaper and give him a lotioned massage, put pajamas on and his sleep sack on, give medicine (Zantac). Nurse on one side while singing three short songs (usually when he fell asleep), say a nighttime blessing Sh'ma, read his poetry book, then switch sides and sing the long nighttime song. Unlatch him and put him in his crib, which is when he would occasionally wake up. I'd leave the room. If he cried more than five minutes, I'd go in for a minute or two and calm him down while shushing him and put him down again. I'd repeat the 5/1 until sleeping, but I knew that he shouldn't fall asleep while nursing - it becomes an association my boobs don't need. They ended up hurting WAY too much.

During the day he used to go 2-2.5 hours between naps. I'd wait for signs of tired (rubbing eyes, fussiness, etc) and then go through a much-shortened routine of the above. Then I'd put him in his crib and he'd wake up about a third of the time, driving me nuts. But always, he'd nap no more than 40 minutes (if I was lucky). He'd wake up tired, and then the next two hours were sad/tired with spots of happiness. By the end of the day, he would be so tired (as would I) that I'd be forced to put him to bed by 5:30pm on some nights. That meant he'd wake up by 5am in the morning - rough for me.

It didn't help that he stopped giving me long stretches when he first fell asleep at night. When younger, he used to sleep for 4-7 hours in his first stretch, but after his three-month regression, that stopped. Now he only slept for 2-3 hour batches and the second half of the night was even worse.

I knew that if I fixed the naps during the day, he'd sleep better at night, but nothing seemed to work. I tried rubbing or touching him near the end of his naps in order to restart his sleep cycle, I tried nursing or rocking him back to sleep when he woke up... I tried everything and it only worked twice in a month to get longer naps.

So here's my new bedtime routine (after choosing a logical sounding one from my group) that I started last night:

Night #1:

In our darkened room where he sleeps, change his diaper and give him a lotioned massage, put pajamas on and his sleep sack on, give medicine (Zantac). Nurse on one side while singing, paying attention to when he's done, say the prayer, switch sides, paying attention to when he's done. Unlatch him, sit him on my lap facing out and read him his one poetry book (while he's looking at the book). Hold him upright, on my shoulder, facing me and sing his last song. This gives him a chance to burp, spit up, and have his acid reflux tummy feel better (and he gets to try and eat my face). Last night he burped a bunch and even spit up a little, which surprised me. I didn't realize that he would still have so much air. I then put him in the crib, kiss him on the cheek, and leave. He wasn't sleeping when I left last night; he was watching me. I was certain it wasn't going to work, at least, not right away.

He started kvetching a little and cried a little so I went in after four minutes, picked him up on my shoulder, hummed the same last goodnight song, and put him down again. I left the room. He kvetched one little kvetch, and was quiet. He was sleeping by 6:08pm.

Tantan didn't wake up to nurse until 1:07am.

SEVEN HOURS. Oh my goodness.

The second half of the night wasn't so great. He woke up another 2-3 times and was up at 5am, at which time my husband put him in our Mamaroo rocker in the living room, where he fell asleep until 6:45am.

Day #1:

Naptime Routine:

I had decided to do the 90 minute nap cycle thingy. This meant that he should be napping every ninety minutes (not 2-2.5 hours like he used to). I was told that if I waited for signs of fussiness, he was already overtired. Fantastic. I wasn't sure this would work, but was willing to be a drill sergeant to enforce it. However, in the morning, I was way too tired to stay awake the full 90 minutes and baby fell asleep with me sometime in that time frame. Don't know when it was but he was all smiley when I woke up. So I started naptime for the day at about 10am. I shortened the routine: nursing one side with the short songs, paying attention to when he was done, switched sides. Held him upright on my shoulder while singing the longer song, put him down, kissed him and he watched me leave. He kvetched quietly and fell asleep. I didn't have to go back in.

He napped, as usual, until 10:40-10:45am (the last ten minutes were with me, nursing in bed). Short again, but I know eventually something has to work, right?

Nap #2. His next 90 minutes nap was due for 12:15pm, but he was tired. I could see it. So I changed him, completed the shortened routine, put him down and kissed him. He watched me walk out and he was quiet. Fell asleep by himself by 12:00pm. It's currently 12:41pm and I'm waiting for him to wake up....

He woke up at 12:50pm. A 50-minute nap! I'll take it!

Nap #3 & Bedtime. Fail. I waited an hour and he seemed very tired, so I started the process and he fought it. I tried for over half hour to get him to sleep but he refused. We ended up going for a walk with my husband to get ElyZ from Gan and he started bobbing asleep on our way home. We got home and started bedtime.

He cried after I put him down and I had to go in once... he ended up sleeping by 6:08pm (again!). It's now 8:42pm and the homefront is still quiet.... scratch that. He just woke up.

Le sigh. Tomorrow is another day.