Losing My Sh*t: One Month

My almost-6-month old baby slept almost three hours during this morning's nap!

Holy cow!

It's working... it's really working! Schedules are a marvelous thing.

Yo-tan got thrown off a bit the past two weeks. He caught a cold (runny nose, cough that developed briefly into croup, extra spit-up/throw up) and that really messed with his sleep. He's also right in the midst of a developmental leap (Wonder Weeks #23-26), so that also messed with naps, but really more so with his nighttime sleep. There's also a small possibility he is teething. He has been gnawing on things incessantly lately, including my finger and my face (always entertaining), and his older brother's first two teeth came in at 6-6.5 months. Lastly, we traveled a bit for the weekend, visiting my in-laws and sleeping at their house Friday night through Sunday morning. WHEW!

But even with all that working against us, we have still been getting better with each passing week. Two weeks ago, I decided that it was just about time to help him graduate from the 90-minute nap method and make the switch from three daily naps to two (six months of age is approximately when that happens). Based on his current sleep cycle, 10am and 2pm seemed to be optimal. Some days work better than others and, logically, as he gets older, it's working better (like today, for example).

Don't get me wrong. We still have thirty minute naps (our second nap today was exactly that long), but I usually get at least one long nap from him daily. He's also gotten much better at falling asleep by himself. This is most likely due to my getting better at not quite nursing him to sleep. Well.... let me explain. When he's ridiculously tired, he'll fall asleep nursing, but before I put him down, I will unlatch him (or he'll now unlatch himself 70% of the time) and pat him on my shoulder before putting him in his crib. He almost always burps, shifts, and rearranges himself on his mattress. He does sort of wake up... whatever it is, it works for us.

Even in the middle of the night, when he wakes up, he doesn't always cry immediately. At times, he will chatter and squeak to himself as he exercises. I'll wake up, listen, and fall in and out of sleep until he decides what he wants to do.

Last night he finally felt better physically (the few nights before were miserable; he was waking up at least every two hours). But last night, Yo-tan only woke up twice (once at 3am, though that might have been due to a power outage which caused the A/C to turn off and the room to heat up), the second time being at 4:35am. Both times he stayed up for at least 20-25 minutes - ugh. He was practicing lifting his body off the mattress.

For some reason, he thinks that 3/4am is the perfect time to practice the precursor to crawling. I don't know why... maybe because it's quiet and no one pesters him to sit, stand, or look cute for the camera.

Whatever the reason, he finally passed out again and slept until 7:40am - in his own bed! It felt wonderful.

I am still putting him to sleep earlier than I did his brother (Yo-tan falls asleep, on average, around 5:45-6pm; his brother used to go to sleep about an hour later), but hey, I'd totally be okay with him waking up around 6:30am-7am. As such, I've been trying to push the baby's bedtime a bit, but he's just not ready for it quite yet, probably due to those annoying thirty minute naps.

Another bonus? His moods! He's a much happier baby... Of course he is; He's sleeping more and is less tired during the day. He smiles even more than he did before and plays/sits/does everything better. His joy is my joy and we both smile and are happier people than we were a month ago.

His original nighttime sleep stretches have gotten increasingly longer as well... he's consistently been giving us 4-4.5, then 5 hours before waking up (which is nice since we'd like to actually go on a date soon without worrying that he'll wake up before our return).

So far, he fell asleep tonight around 6:15pm. It's now 12:20am. Of course I'm getting a little nervous and keep checking the monitor to make sure he's breathing, but all seems well and quiet on the home front.

Yes. Schedules are a marvelous thing.



(Note: he woke up briefly five minutes later and only twice again all night!)

Losing my Sh*t (or what caused me to be more strict about sleepytimes): Days 1 and 2

Yesterday Afternoon

After yet another day of crappy napping by my little one, now practically five months old (no more than 2-3 naps per day, each nap lasting maybe 30-40 minutes tops), I was at my wits' end. This had been going on for about two months. My husband was out picking up my oldest from Gan (educational daycare) and I was about to cry. I was exhausted because my baby (Tantan) doesn't sleep great at night (especially the second half of the night) and yesterday was especially bad during daytime hours. I didn't know what else to do and I needed to vent.

I stood up, left my apartment and my building and went outside. Both Tantan and I calmed down in the gorgeous weather (we live in a basement apartment), and I emailed a good friend, a father of six kids. He responded within eight minutes and, as usual, helped me feel much better. It was at that point I posted my feelings on a Facebook mommy group; I got a ridiculous amount of responses, a lot of advice, hugs, and reassurances. Most of it helped me feel better and some of it seemed very helpful.

I decided to institute a change in my sleeping policy for the Little.

Old Routines (which weren't horrible, but weren't working anymore):

I knew he had to fall asleep by himself more often than he was. Currently, his nighttime schedule was: in our darkened bedroom where he sleeps, change his diaper and give him a lotioned massage, put pajamas on and his sleep sack on, give medicine (Zantac). Nurse on one side while singing three short songs (usually when he fell asleep), say a nighttime blessing Sh'ma, read his poetry book, then switch sides and sing the long nighttime song. Unlatch him and put him in his crib, which is when he would occasionally wake up. I'd leave the room. If he cried more than five minutes, I'd go in for a minute or two and calm him down while shushing him and put him down again. I'd repeat the 5/1 until sleeping, but I knew that he shouldn't fall asleep while nursing - it becomes an association my boobs don't need. They ended up hurting WAY too much.

During the day he used to go 2-2.5 hours between naps. I'd wait for signs of tired (rubbing eyes, fussiness, etc) and then go through a much-shortened routine of the above. Then I'd put him in his crib and he'd wake up about a third of the time, driving me nuts. But always, he'd nap no more than 40 minutes (if I was lucky). He'd wake up tired, and then the next two hours were sad/tired with spots of happiness. By the end of the day, he would be so tired (as would I) that I'd be forced to put him to bed by 5:30pm on some nights. That meant he'd wake up by 5am in the morning - rough for me.

It didn't help that he stopped giving me long stretches when he first fell asleep at night. When younger, he used to sleep for 4-7 hours in his first stretch, but after his three-month regression, that stopped. Now he only slept for 2-3 hour batches and the second half of the night was even worse.

I knew that if I fixed the naps during the day, he'd sleep better at night, but nothing seemed to work. I tried rubbing or touching him near the end of his naps in order to restart his sleep cycle, I tried nursing or rocking him back to sleep when he woke up... I tried everything and it only worked twice in a month to get longer naps.

So here's my new bedtime routine (after choosing a logical sounding one from my group) that I started last night:

Night #1:

In our darkened room where he sleeps, change his diaper and give him a lotioned massage, put pajamas on and his sleep sack on, give medicine (Zantac). Nurse on one side while singing, paying attention to when he's done, say the prayer, switch sides, paying attention to when he's done. Unlatch him, sit him on my lap facing out and read him his one poetry book (while he's looking at the book). Hold him upright, on my shoulder, facing me and sing his last song. This gives him a chance to burp, spit up, and have his acid reflux tummy feel better (and he gets to try and eat my face). Last night he burped a bunch and even spit up a little, which surprised me. I didn't realize that he would still have so much air. I then put him in the crib, kiss him on the cheek, and leave. He wasn't sleeping when I left last night; he was watching me. I was certain it wasn't going to work, at least, not right away.

He started kvetching a little and cried a little so I went in after four minutes, picked him up on my shoulder, hummed the same last goodnight song, and put him down again. I left the room. He kvetched one little kvetch, and was quiet. He was sleeping by 6:08pm.

Tantan didn't wake up to nurse until 1:07am.

SEVEN HOURS. Oh my goodness.

The second half of the night wasn't so great. He woke up another 2-3 times and was up at 5am, at which time my husband put him in our Mamaroo rocker in the living room, where he fell asleep until 6:45am.

Day #1:

Naptime Routine:

I had decided to do the 90 minute nap cycle thingy. This meant that he should be napping every ninety minutes (not 2-2.5 hours like he used to). I was told that if I waited for signs of fussiness, he was already overtired. Fantastic. I wasn't sure this would work, but was willing to be a drill sergeant to enforce it. However, in the morning, I was way too tired to stay awake the full 90 minutes and baby fell asleep with me sometime in that time frame. Don't know when it was but he was all smiley when I woke up. So I started naptime for the day at about 10am. I shortened the routine: nursing one side with the short songs, paying attention to when he was done, switched sides. Held him upright on my shoulder while singing the longer song, put him down, kissed him and he watched me leave. He kvetched quietly and fell asleep. I didn't have to go back in.

He napped, as usual, until 10:40-10:45am (the last ten minutes were with me, nursing in bed). Short again, but I know eventually something has to work, right?

Nap #2. His next 90 minutes nap was due for 12:15pm, but he was tired. I could see it. So I changed him, completed the shortened routine, put him down and kissed him. He watched me walk out and he was quiet. Fell asleep by himself by 12:00pm. It's currently 12:41pm and I'm waiting for him to wake up....

He woke up at 12:50pm. A 50-minute nap! I'll take it!

Nap #3 & Bedtime. Fail. I waited an hour and he seemed very tired, so I started the process and he fought it. I tried for over half hour to get him to sleep but he refused. We ended up going for a walk with my husband to get ElyZ from Gan and he started bobbing asleep on our way home. We got home and started bedtime.

He cried after I put him down and I had to go in once... he ended up sleeping by 6:08pm (again!). It's now 8:42pm and the homefront is still quiet.... scratch that. He just woke up.

Le sigh. Tomorrow is another day.

The first eight weeks... or is it twelve?

I used to tell friends who became new mommies that the first month of a new baby was NOT the hardest... the second and third months were the hardest because 1) you no longer had sleep reserves on which to rely; and 2) you were coming down from your high.

My newest little one is seven weeks old and this advice has never been more true, especially now that it is compounded by having an energetic toddler as well. There have been mornings, like this one, where the little TanTan (pronounced with a short 'a') wakes up at 3 or 4am, refusing to sleep any longer in his bed. He then kvetches and cries on and off for the next 2-3 hours until the toddler wakes up, who has decided recently that the best time to wake up for the day is 5:30am (2 hours earlier than usual).

As expected, last month wasn't easy but month #2 hit me pretty hard. In fact, this morning I physically couldn't get out of bed until 11am. And that's saying a lot, considering I have a mild sleep disorder and have gotten accustomed to excessive daytime sleepiness.

Every morning since baby turned three weeks old (when he got on more of a schedule), all I do is grab him, bring him to bed, and nurse him from side to side for a few hours. But TanTan is growing, growing, growing so much that all he's done, for seven weeks, is eat immense amounts, sleep all day, poop, and spit up (thank you, dairy intolerance and acid reflux). He's not nearly as awake as ElyZ was when he was younger; then again, ElyZ only started really growing at 4.5 months. So TanTan literally sucks all the energy out of me on a nightly basis.

What I've been trying to remember, so far unsuccessfully (see my previous blog 'Memories'), is whether it was the second or the third month which was the most difficult. My only consolation is that the second month is almost over, so either it'll now improve or I'm halfway through the worst of it ... sigh.

My saving grace is my husband, who helps take care of the toddler in the morning before he drops him off at Gan and "speaks" for the baby, saying funny things. The light of my life is my crazy, early-rising toddler, ElyZ. He waves and says goodbye on the rough mornings; he comes home from Gan with a huge smile on his angelic face and his blonde hair is getting long and adorably out of control.

And it's not like there's much of a choice in this matter, so I'll just suck it up for another month and start recovering then.

At least he's super cute.


Update: At about 10 weeks, he started being more... reasonable. Granted, his sleep schedule disintegrated (darned three-month regression), but he became more loveable.

Memories... or lack of them.

Almost six weeks ago I gave birth to my second child. He was 3.000 kilo and born at 38+6 (weeks plus days). He's a sweetheart and my first born is handling it pretty much like a champ (I owe that to his personality and to the great advice I got from family and friends who have already been through this). In fact, he's probably handling it better than my husband and I are.

Somehow, in the last two years, I forgot what it was like raising and taking care of a newborn. I forgot so much that, while eight and nine months pregnant, I gave inaccurate information to a friend of mine who is a FTM ("first time mom"). I didn't mean to; I truly didn't remember having this much trouble, not just with the tiny human but with my husband as well.

In reality, my husband has done very little wrong. He tries to help when he can, washes tons of dishes, and cleans up sometimes when I'm couch-bound with baby (more on that later). But when you're sleep deprived, you are tired, have way less patience, your muscles hurt, and you're emotional. Many times I have snapped at my husband when he didn't deserve it. And he snaps at me and gets impatient with me... I'll even admit what most parents won't - having brief, horrible thoughts when you're at the end of your mental and emotional rope. I recently read an article on how sleep deprivation is used in torture... we're talking about the same thing that moms go through voluntarily.

Clearly our brains are wired to forget much that occurs during birth and after so we actually go through this process again. Here's a brief list of the things I have forgotten...

1. What it's like to be clean for more than five minutes (body & clothes);
1. Corollary: How much laundry this creates in a minuscule amount of time.
2. How much/often baby will want and need to nurse;
3. Babies know when you need to go to the bathroom or when you want to shower and will do everything in their power to prevent that (I suspect it is because they like the way you smell and don't want that to change);
4. How much time you'll sit around your house with your boob hanging out;
5. How much it hurts when you first start breastfeeding but how much better it feels when both you and baby get the hang of latching (victory!);
6. How much your bottom will really start to hurt after sitting for hours on end since baby is sleeping on you (and occasionally nursing);
7. How much you need an extra pair of hands, or a house cleaner, or a friend to help hold the baby;
8. How frustrating and annoying this baby can be;
9. How long it takes for baby to go through his developmental leaps;
10. How putting on eyeliner feels like an enormous accomplishment;
11. What it's like to not get a full night's sleep in weeks and months;
1. Corollary: How easy it is to snap at your partner simply due to sleep deprivation when you normally wouldn't do that.
12. How your ability to adjust to temperatures is way off;
13. How you find your husband holding baby in the oddest position simply because that's the only position in which baby won't cry;
14. How you have to explain to others that no, you really don't like being couch-bound, sitting on your bum for six hours a day just so baby sleeps (it HURTS) because you don't feel like you're accomplishing anything, especially because the apartment really needs a thorough cleaning and organizing (and how, at the same time in your head, you're thinking that you really are accomplishing quite a bit... you're helping provide a tiny, helpless human comfort, security, and love, and dammit, that's more important than almost anything, except maybe the garbage needing to go out).
15. How freaking adorable and sweet your baby can be and how he smiles at just the right moment to ease your stress and make you remember why you did this again.

I'm sure there's more, but hey, I've forgotten.

Why am I talking about all this? Not just to vent... 

When you have a baby, you don't hear about all of the above. You may hear that it's not supposed hurt when you nurse; it means you're doing it wrong (screw you)..... or you only see the cute photos on social media so it must be a piece of cake... or hell, other moms may tell you (deliberately or accidentally) that it's not so bad or they had a perfect child. Don't get too upset with those mommies; give them the benefit of the doubt. It may simply be a faulty memory like mine (it's nature's way of perpetuating the generations).

Don't feel like you're alone. Don't feel like you're a horrible mother/parent for having awful thoughts because you've been hearing crying all day, not slept more than 1-3 hours at a time, been pooped on, peed on, vomited on, had to change your outfit and baby's outfit at least four times - ALL OF THE ABOVE - in the past three hours. Don't feel like you're doing something wrong because all these other mommies make it look so easy or because baby is still crying. Don't feel that baby hates you or is trying to manipulate you or mess with you or ruin your life. 

You are not alone. Baby is just being a baby. The only consistent thing about the little buggers is their inconsistency. Remember, your baby didn't ask to be here... you wanted the little one here.

So take a deep breath, mama. Put munchkin down if need be ((in a safe place) and take another deep breath. Call a friend. Maybe have a sip of wine. Remember and know that mothers have all gone through this for centuries, all around the world, and we are all here together, believing in you. 

Take a pic when they smile and post that shot somewhere in your line of sight. At some point, the little one will give you another smile, one that makes all the torture worthwhile. And as time passes, they'll get older, more adorable and entertaining, more challenging, and you'll wistfully look back at those days when they weren't so much trouble, when they were just little bundles of joy... and want another one.

I'm a little granola & I cloth diaper my baby...

When I was pregnant and people found out that my husband and I were going to cloth diaper our baby, we were met with disbelief, mockery, and teasing. People didn't believe that we could do it, and if we could do it, it was because we would use a diaper service. If anyone knows me at all, they know that would only encourage me to stick to it MORE than I might have before.

People wanted to know why we are cloth diapering. Only the fully granola cloth diaper, right? Well, we are a little hippy dippy, but what we really wanted to do is save money and keep baby as healthy as possible.

See, there are three reasons to cloth diaper: (1) it's good for the environment (not our #1, but hey, it's a positive side effect); (2) it's more economical (my husband's most important reason; we have spent less than $200 on all our diapers and can use these diapers on our next kids); and (3) it means there are no chemicals against my baby's soft little tush (my most important reason).

We thought briefly about using a diaper service, but in our area, it's $25/week... To us, that kinda missed the point of the economics of it. So we said screw it, and now, here we are six months later, still cloth diapering with no diaper service. It isn't as difficult as even I used to think, though it will be more challenging once ElyZ starts solid food (which we did this week). We will have to spray or scrape off the baby poop prior to washing, but we had to do this his first 5.5 weeks of life anyway when he was being supplemented with formula.

Cloth diapering is actually pretty simple. There's a lot to learn, but it's not so complicated. When ElyZ was smaller (less than 15lbs), we used prefolds and covers and loved them. Once he grew past that weight and started the Mr. Wiggle phase, we switched to pockets and AIO (all-in-ones). So far, we have tried 5-6 different brands and BumGenius pockets are our favorite. They don't seem to leak, though at night we do have to add a third insert to prevent leaking (ElyZ is quite the little pisher).

There are so many Facebook groups and websites dedicated to cloth diapering that I can have all my questions answered, sometimes within minutes, and I can buy used diapers for a fraction of the cost. You just have to know some lingo and buy wisely. No - it's not gross to buy used diapers. It's like buying a used towel. It's no different since people are normally excessively careful with their diapers (using environmentally friendly laundry detergent and line drying the covers).

Once a baby is no longer EBF (exclusively breast fed), his poop changes and gets super stinky (like most of us are familiar with). But the truth is, even disposable diapers are supposed to be scraped and sprayed as well; human waste is not supposed to be thrown out in the trash.

Each baby is different, pees and poops differently, and is shaped differently. A BumGenius that works great on one kid won't work as well as SweetBottoms on another. Some supermoms even make their own cloth diapers. I'm thinking about it, but I don't have a sewing machine, nor do I know how to use one. I'm tempted though.

Learning about cloth diapering does take a little practice, trial and error, and patience. The actual practice of it ain't nothing... But regardless, I know that it's the best thing for my little munchkin, so even if/when it becomes challenging, we are going to keep going.

It's also awesome that the cloth diapers come in different colors and designs and are, quite simply, adorable on ElyZ's bum. For that reason alone, I know we'll keep cloth diapering. Aesthetics and adorableness are irresistible, I mean look at this tush...... YUM!

Another Mommy Blog?!

What!?!?! Yet another mommy blog... Eesh.

There's so many mommy blogs out there; why do I think mine is special? It may not be (but you'd be wrong)... Then again, perhaps it will appeal to you. I will try to keep it as interesting and funny (or, at least, helpful) as possible. And FYI, Ima is pronounced "ee-mah" - it's Hebrew for Mom. See what I did there?

Let's move forward. My name is Talya Woolf and I have a five month old baby boy nicknamed ElyZ. He's my pride and joy, even when he's annoying, frustrating, teething, trying to get over a cold, etc. He's adorable. YES. I am biased, but hey, it's also the truth.

Here's a little about myself. I'm 36, Jewish, an artist, attorney, and middle child. I've been married for a year and a half. I met my husband on Facebook (but I knew his sister, aunt, uncle, and cousins so it's not that weird).

I am a business and contract litigation/research attorney who works extremely part-time from home (between 2-8 hours). I am pretty lucky as well; my boss allows me to work at his office and bring the baby in! Granted, I am literally 1/3 as efficient, but it's something. My husband does web development for a men's online suit warehouse (The Suit Depot). We don't make a ton between us, so we have to be frugal with our fundage. This will come in handy for YOU... I'll give you tips and tricks on how to save money, where you can save money, and where you shouldn't (the whole 'get what you pay for' thing).

I'll be sharing what we go through with our little guy (a.k.a. Booboo Man, Booboo, ChukChuk, Tinoki Matoki). Trust me, when you know that something your baby is going through is normal, you breathe a lot easier. I have a few mommy groups on Facebook that I am a part of and THANK GOODNESS. We commiserate, share stories, frustrations, photos, laugh and cry together.

I'll probably also throw in some random stories, jokes, pictures, and complaints -- whatever I feel like. If you don't like an entry, don't read it. :D

If you have any questions, comments, or arguments, please feel free to share. If you have any suggestions as to how I can be even more frugal and smart, please let me know! I'll appreciate it, and I know my husband will as well.

Let's begin.