It’s 10:30pm. I sit in my blue rocking chair, holding him to my breast. I gaze at the blond hairs on his round little head, paying close attention to how each is laying against the other. I wonder that he's a blond. I look at his little lashes, laying like shadows against his cheeks as he sleeps. He takes his right hand and grabs my nose, holding it gently, casually as though it belongs to him. It does. I smile and try not to laugh.
As he quietly moves his hand to my chest, I close my eyes, focusing on the feel of his tiny hand against me, just to the left of my heart. I think of each finger, where it lies, and try to sear this feeling into my long-term memory.
We switch sides and he looks for me, with his little lips, even before I am ready. We rock and bond, bond and rock until he loses the battle to sleep. His round little head falls back. He lifts it for one more quick tickle and it falls again against my left arm.
I look at him, his closed eyes, small nostrils and full lips and keep my right hand on his little stomach, feeling his breath – in, out… in, out…
Gently, I rise with him in a deep sleep in my embrace. His trust is complete, his arms falling by his sides, and I lay him, oh so carefully, in his crib, on his belly. His head is turned toward the wall, his little tushy is up in the air, with the octopus saying hello to the ceiling for just a few moments before he settles in.
Again, I leave my right hand on his side to let him (or me) know that he is loved, protected, and cared for. I slowly lift each finger, pinky first, away from him… slowly, for fear of waking him from his soft slumber. I resist the temptation, this time, to lean down and kiss him.
I look at him, see how long he’s gotten, think of just how little he used to be, and wonder how many inches he is now. I know he’s 17 pounds and 4 ounces today. His Abba and I have weighed him before bed.
My feet pad quietly across the room and I wince as the door creaks open, but there is no sound from my dozing little angel. I leave and shut the door behind me, grateful for this fleeting moment. I know that they are numbered. He’s already six months old but I’ll take what I can get – that’s all we can ever do.
*Originally published 7/28/2014 (my firstborn, ElyZ)
Showing posts with label nighttime. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nighttime. Show all posts
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Losing My Sh*t: Mid-week Update!
I was expecting to next write about our Adventures in Sleep Training in another three days, but today was so awesome that I had to give a mid-week update.
Baby Yo-tan woke up this morning around 7:40am (I believe), later than usual (by about an hour), which was nice considering how lousy he had slept last night. He was too cold, which has always been trouble for him, and even as he slept, he kept moving around. Like I said previously, he's been going through a spurt lately and it's been giving him trouble. He's also a little under the weather, poor fellow.
Anyhoo, he was getting quite tired and I started to doubt whether he had woken up at 6:40 or 7:40am, and honestly, I can't recall. Either way, I decided to try to put him for a nap around 10:00am. I've been debating for the last few days how I want to handle his nap times now that he's approaching six months of age. You see, according to my handy-dandy Elizabeth Pantley sleep training book, at about six months of age, babies should have two naps totaling 3-4 hours during the day (one in the late morning, one in mid-afternoon). Prior to being six months old, they should have three naps of at least that much. My husband and I almost burst out laughing at that one...
But seriously, being that he's 5.5 months now, I realized that he is going to be consolidating what little sleep he gets during his naps into two naps and I'd better get with the proverbial program. So I decided that 10:00am and 2:00pm were good times based on when he wakes up in the morning and when he goes to sleep (we start the bedtime process around 5:30pm, way earlier than with kid #1). Of course, that's assuming that he actually would sleep more than 30 minutes per nap. I thought this might be ... interesting.
I didn't start this "two nap" thing 2.5 weeks ago because he was only five months old and because of his mini naps, but being that I've had a bit of success up until now, I figured today was as good a day as any.
Around 10am, I took him into our room, read him a couple poems from our sleep book, nursed him from both sides (he now unlatches by himself when done), and burped him on my shoulder. I placed him in the bed and he passed out at 10:05am. I didn't count on anything but a half hour nap, as usual.
Yo-tan woke up at noon!!!
What?! Yes, you heard me right. NOON. I kept checking the monitor, expecting to see him stirring, but nope! An almost two hour nap. LOVED IT.
He cried as he awoke, but I think maybe he wasn't feeling great. I gave him lots of hugs and love and he calmed down, back to his happy, chubby, little self.
Around 1:40pm, he started getting a little tired, and though maybe I shouldn't have pushed it, I cuddled him until 1:55pm. We went back to our room, read a couple poems, nursed, and burped. He was sleeping already for ten minutes, but woke up when I placed him in the crib. I did my 5/1, but he fell asleep again but woke up again when put down... the third time I went in, I told my husband, "maybe third time is the charm," but I had truly figured my day's good luck had run out.
I nursed him, burped him, and put him back into bed, patting his tush and shushing him. He finally fell asleep (again) at 2:44pm, and again, I was counting only on a half-hour, especially because he was overtired.
He stirred a half hour into his nap and was uneasy for another forty minutes before he woke up at 3:54pm. Another hour+ nap! Unheard of.
He was a cranky boy again so he got more cuddles, but became very tired, very quickly. I started getting him ready for bed at 5:30pm. I read him his poetry* (now he wants to eat the book along with my face), massaged him with lotion and changed his diaper, gave him medicine, nursed him, sang to him, burped him, and placed him in bed. He woke from his little slumber, rooted/played in bed quietly for a good fifteen minutes, and fell asleep, on his own, by 6:05pm. What a good boy!
He was a cranky boy again so he got more cuddles, but became very tired, very quickly. I started getting him ready for bed at 5:30pm. I read him his poetry* (now he wants to eat the book along with my face), massaged him with lotion and changed his diaper, gave him medicine, nursed him, sang to him, burped him, and placed him in bed. He woke from his little slumber, rooted/played in bed quietly for a good fifteen minutes, and fell asleep, on his own, by 6:05pm. What a good boy!
Three weeks ago, that never would have happened.
It's now 10:25pm and he's still sleeping (though stirring a bit). The last few nights, he started giving us back 4-5 hour stretches at the beginning of the night. It's a lovely thing. Unfortunately, tonight my husband wasn't feeling good (Yo-tan got ElyZ sick, who got hubby sick) so I'm the only one awake in my apartment.
It's quiet. Strange. And a little lonely.
So I'm sitting here, keeping an eye on my baby through my spy monitor, getting ready to brush my teeth and head to sleep (after a dreamfeed).
Wouldn't it be great if Yo-tan followed today's pattern? However it works, I'm grateful for today. The work and discipline over the past two weeks has totally been worth it. Very little crying from baby (or me). Success feels good.
*I decided to change the order of the bedtime routine. I had previously been nursing him prior to reading the poetry book, but the book had become too stimulating for him. As such, I now read the book first and wind down from there; it has worked much better.
Wouldn't it be great if Yo-tan followed today's pattern? However it works, I'm grateful for today. The work and discipline over the past two weeks has totally been worth it. Very little crying from baby (or me). Success feels good.
*I decided to change the order of the bedtime routine. I had previously been nursing him prior to reading the poetry book, but the book had become too stimulating for him. As such, I now read the book first and wind down from there; it has worked much better.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Losing My Sh*t: A One Week Update
I had planned on writing an update each day, but after laughing hysterically at that thought, I realized that wasn't realistic for two reasons: 1) I have two small children, and 2) baby's sleep habits won't change overnight. So here's an overview of what I've done this past week after Days 1 and 2 (original blog post here)...
Nighttime
I've been pretty consistent with the change I made. New routine now consists of: Change Yo-tan's diaper, lotion/massage, pajamas, medicine, nursing both sides with songs, sit him up while reading him a poetry book (how many poems I read depends on how tired he is), then stand up and hold him against my shoulder to allow him to burp and to allow me to shush-shush-shush him. I place him in his crib on his back and whisper to him and leave the room. I then do what I call a "five and one," where I'll let him cry for five minutes, then go in and shush-shush-shush him (on my shoulder) for one minute (a "lovey" minute). Repeat until asleep.
Since I implemented this, he has consistently fallen asleep around 6:07pm... there was a night where it was 5:50pm and a night around 6:20pm, but all-in-all, he's a routine kind of kid (just like his brother ElyZ).
[During nighttime, I'll dreamfeed him upon my going to sleep. He has been waking up every 2-3 hours every night and I nurse him back to sleep. I know that he can sleep a solid 5-7 hours since he's done it several times, but I figure this habit will eventually work itself out as the nap/night situation improves.]
Last night was the most pleasant bedtime I think I've ever had. Let me back up... bedtime was slowly improving even if we still had some crying (two steps forward, one step back), but two nights ago, I was just so tired I let my husband go in during one of the lovey minutes. He knows the drill; he held Yo-tan, shushed him, and put him down again, drowsy but not sleeping. Husband came out and baby was quiet (for about 45 minutes - yay!). That's fine with me since at that point I'm returning him to sleep and not putting him to sleep, if that makes sense.
Overnight he didn't sleep so great, but I realize that was because he was learning/practicing a new skill (at 2am he woke up because he found himself on his TUMMY - a skill that always makes me nervous and sleep poorly). I knew that would affect his sleep for the next two nights but, trust me, I am very excited for this new step since he may sleep better/longer on his tummy!
Last night was amazing. I bathed him (been trying to do that a little more often before bedtime) and went through the routine. Put him in his bed on his back and stayed in the room within eyesight. He was happy... then he'd turn his head to his right (away from me) and glance back at me as if to make sure I was still there. He did this maybe 6-8 times before stopping from being asleep.
It was 6:05pm.
It was so thrilling to have him fall asleep so gently, without crying, that I went over to my husband and told him what happened! JOY!
Granted, Yo-tan didn't sleep great overnight, but, again, it was because of the tummy rolling, as expected. How do I know? Because I would surreptitiously peek over at him whenever he'd squawk.
Note: The past two nights I have tried something new (as part of the training). I don't immediately go to pick him up. I have read the No Cry Sleep Solution book (by Elizabeth Pantley) and while I don't agree with everything, I did choose what I think will work for us. This was one of the things... just because babies make a sound doesn't mean they need you. It simply means they are going through a sleep cycle and have to fall back asleep. So I'd wake up from his kvetch and wait... I think one time I even fell back asleep as he kvetched (helps me ignore him) and it's been working! Eventually I know he'll fall back asleep without the kvetching. And this morning he even woke up on his tummy looking at us... not crying, but just kvetching and chattering to himself (I can deal with that - it's freaking adorable).
Daytime
On Sunday/Mother's Day during the day (thank you husband), I got to nap with baby for 2.5 hours - FELT GREAT! Baby needed it, as did I. Then, later that afternoon, as I followed the same shortened routine (and not letting him fall asleep nursing), he slept for 1.5 hours in his bed! SCORE!
Now, of course, all his other naps have only been around thirty minutes, and there were a few days where I missed the 90 minute window (toddler wanted to play with all of us in bed in the morning) but since I've been applying the Ninety-Minute rule, Yo-tan does fall asleep a lot easier and on his own. I'll take it!
Instead of crying and forcing me to go in ALL.THE.TIME, the little guy will talk to himself and I might have to go in once or twice. That didn't exactly happen yesterday afternoon (it took an hour for him to fall asleep with a lot of crying), but I'm pretty certain that was my fault for trying to put him for his nap too early. Occasionally, ninety minutes of activity is too short for him, but more often than not, I actually start putting him for his nap a wee bit early and it totally works. Unless it's after 3pm... he also doesn't seem to want to start a nap after 3pm... oh well.
TODAY!
Like I said, we woke up on our tummy with a smile and, after grabbing the toddler, we all had playtime together in bed. It was a great morning. I tried putting him to sleep around 9:30am (more than 90 minutes due to playtime) but nothin' doing. He wouldn't sleep and eventually napped in his stroller later, BUT he did quietly chatter to himself in his bed (another positive change).
He woke up from a nap around 12:45pm so around 2:20pm (based on behavior) I started the nap time routine. It was very short and I put him down... I only needed to go in once and then he just, briefly, kvetched before falling quiet. He slept from 2:30-3:15pm, a nice 45 minute nap. I know he's still tired (he's rubbing his eyes and super kvetchy), but whatever. It's still an improvement.
Overall?
I have a much happier baby who is more in control of his own sleep. I don't have to fight with him and get frustrated and pass him off to husband. Additionally, Yo-tan no longer nurses just for the sake of nursing and is actually more likely to cut himself off and unlatch when he's full (bonus!).
Yo-tan's schedule is not perfect by any means, but I am not close to tears anymore. I don't feel anxiety and frustration (that much) at nap times and bedtimes and I don't have to jump out of bed anymore at night simply because he squawks.
Happier baby means happier Ima... which means happier husband and happier family. A win-win. Bring on Week 2!
Nighttime
I've been pretty consistent with the change I made. New routine now consists of: Change Yo-tan's diaper, lotion/massage, pajamas, medicine, nursing both sides with songs, sit him up while reading him a poetry book (how many poems I read depends on how tired he is), then stand up and hold him against my shoulder to allow him to burp and to allow me to shush-shush-shush him. I place him in his crib on his back and whisper to him and leave the room. I then do what I call a "five and one," where I'll let him cry for five minutes, then go in and shush-shush-shush him (on my shoulder) for one minute (a "lovey" minute). Repeat until asleep.
Since I implemented this, he has consistently fallen asleep around 6:07pm... there was a night where it was 5:50pm and a night around 6:20pm, but all-in-all, he's a routine kind of kid (just like his brother ElyZ).
[During nighttime, I'll dreamfeed him upon my going to sleep. He has been waking up every 2-3 hours every night and I nurse him back to sleep. I know that he can sleep a solid 5-7 hours since he's done it several times, but I figure this habit will eventually work itself out as the nap/night situation improves.]
Last night was the most pleasant bedtime I think I've ever had. Let me back up... bedtime was slowly improving even if we still had some crying (two steps forward, one step back), but two nights ago, I was just so tired I let my husband go in during one of the lovey minutes. He knows the drill; he held Yo-tan, shushed him, and put him down again, drowsy but not sleeping. Husband came out and baby was quiet (for about 45 minutes - yay!). That's fine with me since at that point I'm returning him to sleep and not putting him to sleep, if that makes sense.
Overnight he didn't sleep so great, but I realize that was because he was learning/practicing a new skill (at 2am he woke up because he found himself on his TUMMY - a skill that always makes me nervous and sleep poorly). I knew that would affect his sleep for the next two nights but, trust me, I am very excited for this new step since he may sleep better/longer on his tummy!
Last night was amazing. I bathed him (been trying to do that a little more often before bedtime) and went through the routine. Put him in his bed on his back and stayed in the room within eyesight. He was happy... then he'd turn his head to his right (away from me) and glance back at me as if to make sure I was still there. He did this maybe 6-8 times before stopping from being asleep.
It was 6:05pm.
It was so thrilling to have him fall asleep so gently, without crying, that I went over to my husband and told him what happened! JOY!
Granted, Yo-tan didn't sleep great overnight, but, again, it was because of the tummy rolling, as expected. How do I know? Because I would surreptitiously peek over at him whenever he'd squawk.
Note: The past two nights I have tried something new (as part of the training). I don't immediately go to pick him up. I have read the No Cry Sleep Solution book (by Elizabeth Pantley) and while I don't agree with everything, I did choose what I think will work for us. This was one of the things... just because babies make a sound doesn't mean they need you. It simply means they are going through a sleep cycle and have to fall back asleep. So I'd wake up from his kvetch and wait... I think one time I even fell back asleep as he kvetched (helps me ignore him) and it's been working! Eventually I know he'll fall back asleep without the kvetching. And this morning he even woke up on his tummy looking at us... not crying, but just kvetching and chattering to himself (I can deal with that - it's freaking adorable).
Daytime
On Sunday/Mother's Day during the day (thank you husband), I got to nap with baby for 2.5 hours - FELT GREAT! Baby needed it, as did I. Then, later that afternoon, as I followed the same shortened routine (and not letting him fall asleep nursing), he slept for 1.5 hours in his bed! SCORE!
Now, of course, all his other naps have only been around thirty minutes, and there were a few days where I missed the 90 minute window (toddler wanted to play with all of us in bed in the morning) but since I've been applying the Ninety-Minute rule, Yo-tan does fall asleep a lot easier and on his own. I'll take it!
Instead of crying and forcing me to go in ALL.THE.TIME, the little guy will talk to himself and I might have to go in once or twice. That didn't exactly happen yesterday afternoon (it took an hour for him to fall asleep with a lot of crying), but I'm pretty certain that was my fault for trying to put him for his nap too early. Occasionally, ninety minutes of activity is too short for him, but more often than not, I actually start putting him for his nap a wee bit early and it totally works. Unless it's after 3pm... he also doesn't seem to want to start a nap after 3pm... oh well.
TODAY!
Like I said, we woke up on our tummy with a smile and, after grabbing the toddler, we all had playtime together in bed. It was a great morning. I tried putting him to sleep around 9:30am (more than 90 minutes due to playtime) but nothin' doing. He wouldn't sleep and eventually napped in his stroller later, BUT he did quietly chatter to himself in his bed (another positive change).
He woke up from a nap around 12:45pm so around 2:20pm (based on behavior) I started the nap time routine. It was very short and I put him down... I only needed to go in once and then he just, briefly, kvetched before falling quiet. He slept from 2:30-3:15pm, a nice 45 minute nap. I know he's still tired (he's rubbing his eyes and super kvetchy), but whatever. It's still an improvement.
Overall?
I have a much happier baby who is more in control of his own sleep. I don't have to fight with him and get frustrated and pass him off to husband. Additionally, Yo-tan no longer nurses just for the sake of nursing and is actually more likely to cut himself off and unlatch when he's full (bonus!).
Yo-tan's schedule is not perfect by any means, but I am not close to tears anymore. I don't feel anxiety and frustration (that much) at nap times and bedtimes and I don't have to jump out of bed anymore at night simply because he squawks.
Happier baby means happier Ima... which means happier husband and happier family. A win-win. Bring on Week 2!
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