It’s 10:30pm. I sit in my blue rocking chair, holding him to my breast. I gaze at the blond hairs on his round little head, paying close attention to how each is laying against the other. I wonder that he's a blond. I look at his little lashes, laying like shadows against his cheeks as he sleeps. He takes his right hand and grabs my nose, holding it gently, casually as though it belongs to him. It does. I smile and try not to laugh.
As he quietly moves his hand to my chest, I close my eyes, focusing on the feel of his tiny hand against me, just to the left of my heart. I think of each finger, where it lies, and try to sear this feeling into my long-term memory.
We switch sides and he looks for me, with his little lips, even before I am ready. We rock and bond, bond and rock until he loses the battle to sleep. His round little head falls back. He lifts it for one more quick tickle and it falls again against my left arm.
I look at him, his closed eyes, small nostrils and full lips and keep my right hand on his little stomach, feeling his breath – in, out… in, out…
Gently, I rise with him in a deep sleep in my embrace. His trust is complete, his arms falling by his sides, and I lay him, oh so carefully, in his crib, on his belly. His head is turned toward the wall, his little tushy is up in the air, with the octopus saying hello to the ceiling for just a few moments before he settles in.
Again, I leave my right hand on his side to let him (or me) know that he is loved, protected, and cared for. I slowly lift each finger, pinky first, away from him… slowly, for fear of waking him from his soft slumber. I resist the temptation, this time, to lean down and kiss him.
I look at him, see how long he’s gotten, think of just how little he used to be, and wonder how many inches he is now. I know he’s 17 pounds and 4 ounces today. His Abba and I have weighed him before bed.
My feet pad quietly across the room and I wince as the door creaks open, but there is no sound from my dozing little angel. I leave and shut the door behind me, grateful for this fleeting moment. I know that they are numbered. He’s already six months old but I’ll take what I can get – that’s all we can ever do.
*Originally published 7/28/2014 (my firstborn, ElyZ)
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Losing My Sh*t: Mid-week Update!
I was expecting to next write about our Adventures in Sleep Training in another three days, but today was so awesome that I had to give a mid-week update.
Baby Yo-tan woke up this morning around 7:40am (I believe), later than usual (by about an hour), which was nice considering how lousy he had slept last night. He was too cold, which has always been trouble for him, and even as he slept, he kept moving around. Like I said previously, he's been going through a spurt lately and it's been giving him trouble. He's also a little under the weather, poor fellow.
Anyhoo, he was getting quite tired and I started to doubt whether he had woken up at 6:40 or 7:40am, and honestly, I can't recall. Either way, I decided to try to put him for a nap around 10:00am. I've been debating for the last few days how I want to handle his nap times now that he's approaching six months of age. You see, according to my handy-dandy Elizabeth Pantley sleep training book, at about six months of age, babies should have two naps totaling 3-4 hours during the day (one in the late morning, one in mid-afternoon). Prior to being six months old, they should have three naps of at least that much. My husband and I almost burst out laughing at that one...
But seriously, being that he's 5.5 months now, I realized that he is going to be consolidating what little sleep he gets during his naps into two naps and I'd better get with the proverbial program. So I decided that 10:00am and 2:00pm were good times based on when he wakes up in the morning and when he goes to sleep (we start the bedtime process around 5:30pm, way earlier than with kid #1). Of course, that's assuming that he actually would sleep more than 30 minutes per nap. I thought this might be ... interesting.
I didn't start this "two nap" thing 2.5 weeks ago because he was only five months old and because of his mini naps, but being that I've had a bit of success up until now, I figured today was as good a day as any.
Around 10am, I took him into our room, read him a couple poems from our sleep book, nursed him from both sides (he now unlatches by himself when done), and burped him on my shoulder. I placed him in the bed and he passed out at 10:05am. I didn't count on anything but a half hour nap, as usual.
Yo-tan woke up at noon!!!
What?! Yes, you heard me right. NOON. I kept checking the monitor, expecting to see him stirring, but nope! An almost two hour nap. LOVED IT.
He cried as he awoke, but I think maybe he wasn't feeling great. I gave him lots of hugs and love and he calmed down, back to his happy, chubby, little self.
Around 1:40pm, he started getting a little tired, and though maybe I shouldn't have pushed it, I cuddled him until 1:55pm. We went back to our room, read a couple poems, nursed, and burped. He was sleeping already for ten minutes, but woke up when I placed him in the crib. I did my 5/1, but he fell asleep again but woke up again when put down... the third time I went in, I told my husband, "maybe third time is the charm," but I had truly figured my day's good luck had run out.
I nursed him, burped him, and put him back into bed, patting his tush and shushing him. He finally fell asleep (again) at 2:44pm, and again, I was counting only on a half-hour, especially because he was overtired.
He stirred a half hour into his nap and was uneasy for another forty minutes before he woke up at 3:54pm. Another hour+ nap! Unheard of.
He was a cranky boy again so he got more cuddles, but became very tired, very quickly. I started getting him ready for bed at 5:30pm. I read him his poetry* (now he wants to eat the book along with my face), massaged him with lotion and changed his diaper, gave him medicine, nursed him, sang to him, burped him, and placed him in bed. He woke from his little slumber, rooted/played in bed quietly for a good fifteen minutes, and fell asleep, on his own, by 6:05pm. What a good boy!
He was a cranky boy again so he got more cuddles, but became very tired, very quickly. I started getting him ready for bed at 5:30pm. I read him his poetry* (now he wants to eat the book along with my face), massaged him with lotion and changed his diaper, gave him medicine, nursed him, sang to him, burped him, and placed him in bed. He woke from his little slumber, rooted/played in bed quietly for a good fifteen minutes, and fell asleep, on his own, by 6:05pm. What a good boy!
Three weeks ago, that never would have happened.
It's now 10:25pm and he's still sleeping (though stirring a bit). The last few nights, he started giving us back 4-5 hour stretches at the beginning of the night. It's a lovely thing. Unfortunately, tonight my husband wasn't feeling good (Yo-tan got ElyZ sick, who got hubby sick) so I'm the only one awake in my apartment.
It's quiet. Strange. And a little lonely.
So I'm sitting here, keeping an eye on my baby through my spy monitor, getting ready to brush my teeth and head to sleep (after a dreamfeed).
Wouldn't it be great if Yo-tan followed today's pattern? However it works, I'm grateful for today. The work and discipline over the past two weeks has totally been worth it. Very little crying from baby (or me). Success feels good.
*I decided to change the order of the bedtime routine. I had previously been nursing him prior to reading the poetry book, but the book had become too stimulating for him. As such, I now read the book first and wind down from there; it has worked much better.
Wouldn't it be great if Yo-tan followed today's pattern? However it works, I'm grateful for today. The work and discipline over the past two weeks has totally been worth it. Very little crying from baby (or me). Success feels good.
*I decided to change the order of the bedtime routine. I had previously been nursing him prior to reading the poetry book, but the book had become too stimulating for him. As such, I now read the book first and wind down from there; it has worked much better.
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Losing My Sh*t: Two Week Update
Last week, after my one week update, little Yo-tan continued to improve. I was feeling pretty good about my skills as an Ima (mommy). He had two naps on Thursday that were each almost an hour! Then on Friday, he had a nap that was about 70 minutes (how do I know? I use a free app called Baby Daybook that lets me keep track of everything)!
DAYTIME:
But then we had a bit of a setback over the weekend... I was really exhausted, so instead of putting baby to nap in his bed for his morning nap, I laid down with him and let him nurse while he napped. I did this for a couple days. It was wonderful bonding time (I love snuggling with him; he's so solid), but there was a downside over the next day or two: he started "fighting" with me over going down at naptime, which meant that I had to go back to nursing him to sleep and try the unlatching "Pantley" method (which I did on and off).
I started beating myself up about it, but then a few of the nights, when I would put Yo-tan down after our routine, he would squeak to himself (he's become extremely chatty over the past week)... and squeak... and squeak. I waited for the squeaks to become kvetches and then cries, but they didn't! Okay, a few nights they did, but there were also a few nights where he just squeaked himself to quiet sleep (like last night)! I didn't believe it; I had serious doubts. I really didn't think it could happen... but it did.
The fact that he would still fall asleep gently, despite the setbacks, made me feel better about not being super strict about the routine (I wouldn't recommend it though; I think it just makes everything take longer).
I had so little faith that my actions would succeed that I would even leave the bedroom and come out to my husband, warning him that when the baby squawked, it would be his turn to go in (since he didn't smell like milk). And then, nothing! The wonderful silence that comes with a sleeping baby.
It's also been difficult this week because Yo-tan has learned to sit up. We all know that when a baby learns a new skill, they want to practice it all.the.time. Yup. He's also teething on and off. And Yo-tan also now gets distracted, so easily, by everything. He gets distracted when nursing, when going to sleep, whenever. Add that into his new skill sets and it's a recipe for trouble at bedtime.
Even so, on Sunday we had a 90-minute nap (okay, yea, we also had a lousy 24-minute nap), on Monday we had a 76-minute nap (yes, we also had a 32-minute nap), yesterday we had a 95-minute nap (he slept for 30 minutes in his bed and the rest with me) and two separate half hour naps (yesterday wasn't great), but today Yo-tan made me feel good about myself (funny how our self-worth sometimes gets so wrapped up with babies)... THERE IS AN IMPROVEMENT!!!! I never used to have any naps longer than 40 minutes and those were what made me happy. WOO HOO!
Late this morning I put him for a nap by nursing him to sleep because he was fighting me again, and he woke up only 27 minutes after he went down. Fantastic. Grumble. But I didn't go in right away to get him and HE FELL BACK ASLEEP for almost another hour! There IS a reason it's important to remove associations from your baby's sleep, and this is precisely why. More cheering!
BEDTIME:
As for his nighttime sleeps, out of the past week, I had a couple nights where he slept for 4-6 hour chunks (rather than 2-3). It was really nice and helped me feel better the next day. I've also (still) been working on not immediately responding to his noises (I lay awake and listen) and there have been a few times where he's fallen back asleep. Maybe it's only for 45 minutes, but I figure it's part of the process.
It seems that the better daytime naps do, in fact, lead to better sleeping at night, but it's a process. Keep at it even if/when you doubt it'll work. I've seen slow improvement, but I have seen improvement. It has saved my sanity, which, in turn, has made me happy, my husband happy, and my family happier.
I'll keep the updates coming - hopefully my blogs help SOMEONE out there suffering from the same thing. HANG IN THERE, mommas!
DAYTIME:
But then we had a bit of a setback over the weekend... I was really exhausted, so instead of putting baby to nap in his bed for his morning nap, I laid down with him and let him nurse while he napped. I did this for a couple days. It was wonderful bonding time (I love snuggling with him; he's so solid), but there was a downside over the next day or two: he started "fighting" with me over going down at naptime, which meant that I had to go back to nursing him to sleep and try the unlatching "Pantley" method (which I did on and off).
I started beating myself up about it, but then a few of the nights, when I would put Yo-tan down after our routine, he would squeak to himself (he's become extremely chatty over the past week)... and squeak... and squeak. I waited for the squeaks to become kvetches and then cries, but they didn't! Okay, a few nights they did, but there were also a few nights where he just squeaked himself to quiet sleep (like last night)! I didn't believe it; I had serious doubts. I really didn't think it could happen... but it did.
The fact that he would still fall asleep gently, despite the setbacks, made me feel better about not being super strict about the routine (I wouldn't recommend it though; I think it just makes everything take longer).
I had so little faith that my actions would succeed that I would even leave the bedroom and come out to my husband, warning him that when the baby squawked, it would be his turn to go in (since he didn't smell like milk). And then, nothing! The wonderful silence that comes with a sleeping baby.
It's also been difficult this week because Yo-tan has learned to sit up. We all know that when a baby learns a new skill, they want to practice it all.the.time. Yup. He's also teething on and off. And Yo-tan also now gets distracted, so easily, by everything. He gets distracted when nursing, when going to sleep, whenever. Add that into his new skill sets and it's a recipe for trouble at bedtime.
Even so, on Sunday we had a 90-minute nap (okay, yea, we also had a lousy 24-minute nap), on Monday we had a 76-minute nap (yes, we also had a 32-minute nap), yesterday we had a 95-minute nap (he slept for 30 minutes in his bed and the rest with me) and two separate half hour naps (yesterday wasn't great), but today Yo-tan made me feel good about myself (funny how our self-worth sometimes gets so wrapped up with babies)... THERE IS AN IMPROVEMENT!!!! I never used to have any naps longer than 40 minutes and those were what made me happy. WOO HOO!
Late this morning I put him for a nap by nursing him to sleep because he was fighting me again, and he woke up only 27 minutes after he went down. Fantastic. Grumble. But I didn't go in right away to get him and HE FELL BACK ASLEEP for almost another hour! There IS a reason it's important to remove associations from your baby's sleep, and this is precisely why. More cheering!
BEDTIME:
As for his nighttime sleeps, out of the past week, I had a couple nights where he slept for 4-6 hour chunks (rather than 2-3). It was really nice and helped me feel better the next day. I've also (still) been working on not immediately responding to his noises (I lay awake and listen) and there have been a few times where he's fallen back asleep. Maybe it's only for 45 minutes, but I figure it's part of the process.
It seems that the better daytime naps do, in fact, lead to better sleeping at night, but it's a process. Keep at it even if/when you doubt it'll work. I've seen slow improvement, but I have seen improvement. It has saved my sanity, which, in turn, has made me happy, my husband happy, and my family happier.
I'll keep the updates coming - hopefully my blogs help SOMEONE out there suffering from the same thing. HANG IN THERE, mommas!
Sunday, May 15, 2016
My husband and coffee are my best friends
I had to take a walk today
to get away, far, far away.
My hubby said I could not stay,
just get away, so far away.
My baby refused to nap today,
instead to cry, not even play,
and so I ran, I got away,
I got away, so far away.
The sea and beach were a bus away,
and a sharav was stuck through the next day.
Coffee was close, so I walked there
without a baby pulling my hair.
I spent five shek on coffee, didn't care
if it was too good, I didn't share.
I sat on a bench, in the heat, on the street,
Relaxed my muscles, from my neck to my feet.
I people-watched, I sipped
from my straw, heaven dripped,
until finally it was done,
I had to return to the fun.
And so I took a walk today,
back to my house, not far away,
I took the baby from hubby's arms,
and laid into baby with all my (caffeinated) charms.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Losing My Sh*t: A One Week Update
I had planned on writing an update each day, but after laughing hysterically at that thought, I realized that wasn't realistic for two reasons: 1) I have two small children, and 2) baby's sleep habits won't change overnight. So here's an overview of what I've done this past week after Days 1 and 2 (original blog post here)...
Nighttime
I've been pretty consistent with the change I made. New routine now consists of: Change Yo-tan's diaper, lotion/massage, pajamas, medicine, nursing both sides with songs, sit him up while reading him a poetry book (how many poems I read depends on how tired he is), then stand up and hold him against my shoulder to allow him to burp and to allow me to shush-shush-shush him. I place him in his crib on his back and whisper to him and leave the room. I then do what I call a "five and one," where I'll let him cry for five minutes, then go in and shush-shush-shush him (on my shoulder) for one minute (a "lovey" minute). Repeat until asleep.
Since I implemented this, he has consistently fallen asleep around 6:07pm... there was a night where it was 5:50pm and a night around 6:20pm, but all-in-all, he's a routine kind of kid (just like his brother ElyZ).
[During nighttime, I'll dreamfeed him upon my going to sleep. He has been waking up every 2-3 hours every night and I nurse him back to sleep. I know that he can sleep a solid 5-7 hours since he's done it several times, but I figure this habit will eventually work itself out as the nap/night situation improves.]
Last night was the most pleasant bedtime I think I've ever had. Let me back up... bedtime was slowly improving even if we still had some crying (two steps forward, one step back), but two nights ago, I was just so tired I let my husband go in during one of the lovey minutes. He knows the drill; he held Yo-tan, shushed him, and put him down again, drowsy but not sleeping. Husband came out and baby was quiet (for about 45 minutes - yay!). That's fine with me since at that point I'm returning him to sleep and not putting him to sleep, if that makes sense.
Overnight he didn't sleep so great, but I realize that was because he was learning/practicing a new skill (at 2am he woke up because he found himself on his TUMMY - a skill that always makes me nervous and sleep poorly). I knew that would affect his sleep for the next two nights but, trust me, I am very excited for this new step since he may sleep better/longer on his tummy!
Last night was amazing. I bathed him (been trying to do that a little more often before bedtime) and went through the routine. Put him in his bed on his back and stayed in the room within eyesight. He was happy... then he'd turn his head to his right (away from me) and glance back at me as if to make sure I was still there. He did this maybe 6-8 times before stopping from being asleep.
It was 6:05pm.
It was so thrilling to have him fall asleep so gently, without crying, that I went over to my husband and told him what happened! JOY!
Granted, Yo-tan didn't sleep great overnight, but, again, it was because of the tummy rolling, as expected. How do I know? Because I would surreptitiously peek over at him whenever he'd squawk.
Note: The past two nights I have tried something new (as part of the training). I don't immediately go to pick him up. I have read the No Cry Sleep Solution book (by Elizabeth Pantley) and while I don't agree with everything, I did choose what I think will work for us. This was one of the things... just because babies make a sound doesn't mean they need you. It simply means they are going through a sleep cycle and have to fall back asleep. So I'd wake up from his kvetch and wait... I think one time I even fell back asleep as he kvetched (helps me ignore him) and it's been working! Eventually I know he'll fall back asleep without the kvetching. And this morning he even woke up on his tummy looking at us... not crying, but just kvetching and chattering to himself (I can deal with that - it's freaking adorable).
Daytime
On Sunday/Mother's Day during the day (thank you husband), I got to nap with baby for 2.5 hours - FELT GREAT! Baby needed it, as did I. Then, later that afternoon, as I followed the same shortened routine (and not letting him fall asleep nursing), he slept for 1.5 hours in his bed! SCORE!
Now, of course, all his other naps have only been around thirty minutes, and there were a few days where I missed the 90 minute window (toddler wanted to play with all of us in bed in the morning) but since I've been applying the Ninety-Minute rule, Yo-tan does fall asleep a lot easier and on his own. I'll take it!
Instead of crying and forcing me to go in ALL.THE.TIME, the little guy will talk to himself and I might have to go in once or twice. That didn't exactly happen yesterday afternoon (it took an hour for him to fall asleep with a lot of crying), but I'm pretty certain that was my fault for trying to put him for his nap too early. Occasionally, ninety minutes of activity is too short for him, but more often than not, I actually start putting him for his nap a wee bit early and it totally works. Unless it's after 3pm... he also doesn't seem to want to start a nap after 3pm... oh well.
TODAY!
Like I said, we woke up on our tummy with a smile and, after grabbing the toddler, we all had playtime together in bed. It was a great morning. I tried putting him to sleep around 9:30am (more than 90 minutes due to playtime) but nothin' doing. He wouldn't sleep and eventually napped in his stroller later, BUT he did quietly chatter to himself in his bed (another positive change).
He woke up from a nap around 12:45pm so around 2:20pm (based on behavior) I started the nap time routine. It was very short and I put him down... I only needed to go in once and then he just, briefly, kvetched before falling quiet. He slept from 2:30-3:15pm, a nice 45 minute nap. I know he's still tired (he's rubbing his eyes and super kvetchy), but whatever. It's still an improvement.
Overall?
I have a much happier baby who is more in control of his own sleep. I don't have to fight with him and get frustrated and pass him off to husband. Additionally, Yo-tan no longer nurses just for the sake of nursing and is actually more likely to cut himself off and unlatch when he's full (bonus!).
Yo-tan's schedule is not perfect by any means, but I am not close to tears anymore. I don't feel anxiety and frustration (that much) at nap times and bedtimes and I don't have to jump out of bed anymore at night simply because he squawks.
Happier baby means happier Ima... which means happier husband and happier family. A win-win. Bring on Week 2!
Nighttime
I've been pretty consistent with the change I made. New routine now consists of: Change Yo-tan's diaper, lotion/massage, pajamas, medicine, nursing both sides with songs, sit him up while reading him a poetry book (how many poems I read depends on how tired he is), then stand up and hold him against my shoulder to allow him to burp and to allow me to shush-shush-shush him. I place him in his crib on his back and whisper to him and leave the room. I then do what I call a "five and one," where I'll let him cry for five minutes, then go in and shush-shush-shush him (on my shoulder) for one minute (a "lovey" minute). Repeat until asleep.
Since I implemented this, he has consistently fallen asleep around 6:07pm... there was a night where it was 5:50pm and a night around 6:20pm, but all-in-all, he's a routine kind of kid (just like his brother ElyZ).
[During nighttime, I'll dreamfeed him upon my going to sleep. He has been waking up every 2-3 hours every night and I nurse him back to sleep. I know that he can sleep a solid 5-7 hours since he's done it several times, but I figure this habit will eventually work itself out as the nap/night situation improves.]
Last night was the most pleasant bedtime I think I've ever had. Let me back up... bedtime was slowly improving even if we still had some crying (two steps forward, one step back), but two nights ago, I was just so tired I let my husband go in during one of the lovey minutes. He knows the drill; he held Yo-tan, shushed him, and put him down again, drowsy but not sleeping. Husband came out and baby was quiet (for about 45 minutes - yay!). That's fine with me since at that point I'm returning him to sleep and not putting him to sleep, if that makes sense.
Overnight he didn't sleep so great, but I realize that was because he was learning/practicing a new skill (at 2am he woke up because he found himself on his TUMMY - a skill that always makes me nervous and sleep poorly). I knew that would affect his sleep for the next two nights but, trust me, I am very excited for this new step since he may sleep better/longer on his tummy!
Last night was amazing. I bathed him (been trying to do that a little more often before bedtime) and went through the routine. Put him in his bed on his back and stayed in the room within eyesight. He was happy... then he'd turn his head to his right (away from me) and glance back at me as if to make sure I was still there. He did this maybe 6-8 times before stopping from being asleep.
It was 6:05pm.
It was so thrilling to have him fall asleep so gently, without crying, that I went over to my husband and told him what happened! JOY!
Granted, Yo-tan didn't sleep great overnight, but, again, it was because of the tummy rolling, as expected. How do I know? Because I would surreptitiously peek over at him whenever he'd squawk.
Note: The past two nights I have tried something new (as part of the training). I don't immediately go to pick him up. I have read the No Cry Sleep Solution book (by Elizabeth Pantley) and while I don't agree with everything, I did choose what I think will work for us. This was one of the things... just because babies make a sound doesn't mean they need you. It simply means they are going through a sleep cycle and have to fall back asleep. So I'd wake up from his kvetch and wait... I think one time I even fell back asleep as he kvetched (helps me ignore him) and it's been working! Eventually I know he'll fall back asleep without the kvetching. And this morning he even woke up on his tummy looking at us... not crying, but just kvetching and chattering to himself (I can deal with that - it's freaking adorable).
Daytime
On Sunday/Mother's Day during the day (thank you husband), I got to nap with baby for 2.5 hours - FELT GREAT! Baby needed it, as did I. Then, later that afternoon, as I followed the same shortened routine (and not letting him fall asleep nursing), he slept for 1.5 hours in his bed! SCORE!
Now, of course, all his other naps have only been around thirty minutes, and there were a few days where I missed the 90 minute window (toddler wanted to play with all of us in bed in the morning) but since I've been applying the Ninety-Minute rule, Yo-tan does fall asleep a lot easier and on his own. I'll take it!
Instead of crying and forcing me to go in ALL.THE.TIME, the little guy will talk to himself and I might have to go in once or twice. That didn't exactly happen yesterday afternoon (it took an hour for him to fall asleep with a lot of crying), but I'm pretty certain that was my fault for trying to put him for his nap too early. Occasionally, ninety minutes of activity is too short for him, but more often than not, I actually start putting him for his nap a wee bit early and it totally works. Unless it's after 3pm... he also doesn't seem to want to start a nap after 3pm... oh well.
TODAY!
Like I said, we woke up on our tummy with a smile and, after grabbing the toddler, we all had playtime together in bed. It was a great morning. I tried putting him to sleep around 9:30am (more than 90 minutes due to playtime) but nothin' doing. He wouldn't sleep and eventually napped in his stroller later, BUT he did quietly chatter to himself in his bed (another positive change).
He woke up from a nap around 12:45pm so around 2:20pm (based on behavior) I started the nap time routine. It was very short and I put him down... I only needed to go in once and then he just, briefly, kvetched before falling quiet. He slept from 2:30-3:15pm, a nice 45 minute nap. I know he's still tired (he's rubbing his eyes and super kvetchy), but whatever. It's still an improvement.
Overall?
I have a much happier baby who is more in control of his own sleep. I don't have to fight with him and get frustrated and pass him off to husband. Additionally, Yo-tan no longer nurses just for the sake of nursing and is actually more likely to cut himself off and unlatch when he's full (bonus!).
Yo-tan's schedule is not perfect by any means, but I am not close to tears anymore. I don't feel anxiety and frustration (that much) at nap times and bedtimes and I don't have to jump out of bed anymore at night simply because he squawks.
Happier baby means happier Ima... which means happier husband and happier family. A win-win. Bring on Week 2!
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
My little Israeli חיל
Tonight at 8:00pm, during ElyZ's bedtime routine, we heard the 60-second siren outside his window signifying the losses we commemorate on Yom HaZikaron. It's full name is יוֹם הזִּכָּרוֹן לַחֲלָלֵי מַעֲרָכוֹת יִשְׂרָאֵל וּלְנִפְגְעֵי פְעוּלוֹת הָאֵיבָה. In English, it's a day dedicated to Israel's fallen soldiers and victims of terrorism.
I had been teaching my little two year old blondini about sirens (he's obsessed with fire trucks this week) and taught him that if he listens quietly (shhh...), he might hear a fire truck siren outside. At 8:00pm, the siren sounded and my husband and I stood up. ElyZ burst out crying so I picked him up and held him during those emotional moments. I wondered if he could feel the purpose of the siren...
I imagined the rest of the country, all the vehicles stopping on the highways and streets, people exiting their cars and standing at their side, people standing inside their homes, at bus stops, stopping any shopping or chatting and standing at attention... everywhere, every city, north to south, east to west.
Quiet in Tel Aviv.
Quiet in Jerusalem.
Quiet in Haifa.
Quiet in Be'er Sheva.
Quiet on the beach.
Quiet on the roads.
Quiet in the mountains.
Quiet... but for a sixty-second siren.
After ElyZ (and I) calmed down, he quietly asked if it was a fire truck siren and afterward I explained to him that the siren was for all of Israel's chayalim (soldiers). I explained how the chayalim keep us safe and protect our country of Israel. I taught my little Israeli to say todah chayalim and as I held him close, as he was laying quietly on me, breathing gently, with my arms wrapped around him, I imagined him six feet tall, blond, strong, wearing Israeli IDF green.
Wearing a beret.
Carrying an M-16.
In fifteen short years, my son will be receiving his papers from the army. That's not a lot of time to prepare yourself emotionally, to confront the reality of life here. The conflict that lies in your heart: the immeasurable fear that something might happen versus the almost-intolerable pride that goes along with who he will be and what he will do.
My son, my Israeli son, defending our country.
My son, my Israeli son, defending his fellow Jews and our right to exist.
My son, my Israeli son, pride of his little brother, pride of my husband and me.
My son, my Israeli son, may G-d please bless, protect, and keep him and all of the other Israeli soldiers.
My two sons (and any other children I will have) will be the backbone of this country and I will thank them for their service, just as I thank chayalim today. I cannot imagine the anguish of the families who have given the ultimate sacrifice and pray that I never have to...
I had been teaching my little two year old blondini about sirens (he's obsessed with fire trucks this week) and taught him that if he listens quietly (shhh...), he might hear a fire truck siren outside. At 8:00pm, the siren sounded and my husband and I stood up. ElyZ burst out crying so I picked him up and held him during those emotional moments. I wondered if he could feel the purpose of the siren...
I imagined the rest of the country, all the vehicles stopping on the highways and streets, people exiting their cars and standing at their side, people standing inside their homes, at bus stops, stopping any shopping or chatting and standing at attention... everywhere, every city, north to south, east to west.
Quiet in Tel Aviv.
Quiet in Jerusalem.
Quiet in Haifa.
Quiet in Be'er Sheva.
Quiet on the beach.
Quiet on the roads.
Quiet in the mountains.
Quiet... but for a sixty-second siren.
After ElyZ (and I) calmed down, he quietly asked if it was a fire truck siren and afterward I explained to him that the siren was for all of Israel's chayalim (soldiers). I explained how the chayalim keep us safe and protect our country of Israel. I taught my little Israeli to say todah chayalim and as I held him close, as he was laying quietly on me, breathing gently, with my arms wrapped around him, I imagined him six feet tall, blond, strong, wearing Israeli IDF green.
Wearing a beret.
Carrying an M-16.
In fifteen short years, my son will be receiving his papers from the army. That's not a lot of time to prepare yourself emotionally, to confront the reality of life here. The conflict that lies in your heart: the immeasurable fear that something might happen versus the almost-intolerable pride that goes along with who he will be and what he will do.
My son, my Israeli son, defending our country.
My son, my Israeli son, defending his fellow Jews and our right to exist.
My son, my Israeli son, pride of his little brother, pride of my husband and me.
My son, my Israeli son, may G-d please bless, protect, and keep him and all of the other Israeli soldiers.
My two sons (and any other children I will have) will be the backbone of this country and I will thank them for their service, just as I thank chayalim today. I cannot imagine the anguish of the families who have given the ultimate sacrifice and pray that I never have to...
To the families of the fallen soldiers and victims of terror:
המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים
May the Almighty comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Losing my Sh*t (or what caused me to be more strict about sleepytimes): Days 1 and 2
Yesterday Afternoon
After yet another day of crappy napping by my little one, now practically five months old (no more than 2-3 naps per day, each nap lasting maybe 30-40 minutes tops), I was at my wits' end. This had been going on for about two months. My husband was out picking up my oldest from Gan (educational daycare) and I was about to cry. I was exhausted because my baby (Tantan) doesn't sleep great at night (especially the second half of the night) and yesterday was especially bad during daytime hours. I didn't know what else to do and I needed to vent.
I stood up, left my apartment and my building and went outside. Both Tantan and I calmed down in the gorgeous weather (we live in a basement apartment), and I emailed a good friend, a father of six kids. He responded within eight minutes and, as usual, helped me feel much better. It was at that point I posted my feelings on a Facebook mommy group; I got a ridiculous amount of responses, a lot of advice, hugs, and reassurances. Most of it helped me feel better and some of it seemed very helpful.
I decided to institute a change in my sleeping policy for the Little.
Old Routines (which weren't horrible, but weren't working anymore):
I knew he had to fall asleep by himself more often than he was. Currently, his nighttime schedule was: in our darkened bedroom where he sleeps, change his diaper and give him a lotioned massage, put pajamas on and his sleep sack on, give medicine (Zantac). Nurse on one side while singing three short songs (usually when he fell asleep), say a nighttime blessing Sh'ma, read his poetry book, then switch sides and sing the long nighttime song. Unlatch him and put him in his crib, which is when he would occasionally wake up. I'd leave the room. If he cried more than five minutes, I'd go in for a minute or two and calm him down while shushing him and put him down again. I'd repeat the 5/1 until sleeping, but I knew that he shouldn't fall asleep while nursing - it becomes an association my boobs don't need. They ended up hurting WAY too much.
During the day he used to go 2-2.5 hours between naps. I'd wait for signs of tired (rubbing eyes, fussiness, etc) and then go through a much-shortened routine of the above. Then I'd put him in his crib and he'd wake up about a third of the time, driving me nuts. But always, he'd nap no more than 40 minutes (if I was lucky). He'd wake up tired, and then the next two hours were sad/tired with spots of happiness. By the end of the day, he would be so tired (as would I) that I'd be forced to put him to bed by 5:30pm on some nights. That meant he'd wake up by 5am in the morning - rough for me.
It didn't help that he stopped giving me long stretches when he first fell asleep at night. When younger, he used to sleep for 4-7 hours in his first stretch, but after his three-month regression, that stopped. Now he only slept for 2-3 hour batches and the second half of the night was even worse.
I knew that if I fixed the naps during the day, he'd sleep better at night, but nothing seemed to work. I tried rubbing or touching him near the end of his naps in order to restart his sleep cycle, I tried nursing or rocking him back to sleep when he woke up... I tried everything and it only worked twice in a month to get longer naps.
So here's my new bedtime routine (after choosing a logical sounding one from my group) that I started last night:
Night #1:
In our darkened room where he sleeps, change his diaper and give him a lotioned massage, put pajamas on and his sleep sack on, give medicine (Zantac). Nurse on one side while singing, paying attention to when he's done, say the prayer, switch sides, paying attention to when he's done. Unlatch him, sit him on my lap facing out and read him his one poetry book (while he's looking at the book). Hold him upright, on my shoulder, facing me and sing his last song. This gives him a chance to burp, spit up, and have his acid reflux tummy feel better (and he gets to try and eat my face). Last night he burped a bunch and even spit up a little, which surprised me. I didn't realize that he would still have so much air. I then put him in the crib, kiss him on the cheek, and leave. He wasn't sleeping when I left last night; he was watching me. I was certain it wasn't going to work, at least, not right away.
He started kvetching a little and cried a little so I went in after four minutes, picked him up on my shoulder, hummed the same last goodnight song, and put him down again. I left the room. He kvetched one little kvetch, and was quiet. He was sleeping by 6:08pm.
Tantan didn't wake up to nurse until 1:07am.
SEVEN HOURS. Oh my goodness.
The second half of the night wasn't so great. He woke up another 2-3 times and was up at 5am, at which time my husband put him in our Mamaroo rocker in the living room, where he fell asleep until 6:45am.
Day #1:
Naptime Routine:
I had decided to do the 90 minute nap cycle thingy. This meant that he should be napping every ninety minutes (not 2-2.5 hours like he used to). I was told that if I waited for signs of fussiness, he was already overtired. Fantastic. I wasn't sure this would work, but was willing to be a drill sergeant to enforce it. However, in the morning, I was way too tired to stay awake the full 90 minutes and baby fell asleep with me sometime in that time frame. Don't know when it was but he was all smiley when I woke up. So I started naptime for the day at about 10am. I shortened the routine: nursing one side with the short songs, paying attention to when he was done, switched sides. Held him upright on my shoulder while singing the longer song, put him down, kissed him and he watched me leave. He kvetched quietly and fell asleep. I didn't have to go back in.
He napped, as usual, until 10:40-10:45am (the last ten minutes were with me, nursing in bed). Short again, but I know eventually something has to work, right?
Nap #2. His next 90 minutes nap was due for 12:15pm, but he was tired. I could see it. So I changed him, completed the shortened routine, put him down and kissed him. He watched me walk out and he was quiet. Fell asleep by himself by 12:00pm. It's currently 12:41pm and I'm waiting for him to wake up....
He woke up at 12:50pm. A 50-minute nap! I'll take it!
Nap #3 & Bedtime. Fail. I waited an hour and he seemed very tired, so I started the process and he fought it. I tried for over half hour to get him to sleep but he refused. We ended up going for a walk with my husband to get ElyZ from Gan and he started bobbing asleep on our way home. We got home and started bedtime.
He cried after I put him down and I had to go in once... he ended up sleeping by 6:08pm (again!). It's now 8:42pm and the homefront is still quiet.... scratch that. He just woke up.
Le sigh. Tomorrow is another day.
After yet another day of crappy napping by my little one, now practically five months old (no more than 2-3 naps per day, each nap lasting maybe 30-40 minutes tops), I was at my wits' end. This had been going on for about two months. My husband was out picking up my oldest from Gan (educational daycare) and I was about to cry. I was exhausted because my baby (Tantan) doesn't sleep great at night (especially the second half of the night) and yesterday was especially bad during daytime hours. I didn't know what else to do and I needed to vent.
I stood up, left my apartment and my building and went outside. Both Tantan and I calmed down in the gorgeous weather (we live in a basement apartment), and I emailed a good friend, a father of six kids. He responded within eight minutes and, as usual, helped me feel much better. It was at that point I posted my feelings on a Facebook mommy group; I got a ridiculous amount of responses, a lot of advice, hugs, and reassurances. Most of it helped me feel better and some of it seemed very helpful.
I decided to institute a change in my sleeping policy for the Little.
Old Routines (which weren't horrible, but weren't working anymore):
I knew he had to fall asleep by himself more often than he was. Currently, his nighttime schedule was: in our darkened bedroom where he sleeps, change his diaper and give him a lotioned massage, put pajamas on and his sleep sack on, give medicine (Zantac). Nurse on one side while singing three short songs (usually when he fell asleep), say a nighttime blessing Sh'ma, read his poetry book, then switch sides and sing the long nighttime song. Unlatch him and put him in his crib, which is when he would occasionally wake up. I'd leave the room. If he cried more than five minutes, I'd go in for a minute or two and calm him down while shushing him and put him down again. I'd repeat the 5/1 until sleeping, but I knew that he shouldn't fall asleep while nursing - it becomes an association my boobs don't need. They ended up hurting WAY too much.
During the day he used to go 2-2.5 hours between naps. I'd wait for signs of tired (rubbing eyes, fussiness, etc) and then go through a much-shortened routine of the above. Then I'd put him in his crib and he'd wake up about a third of the time, driving me nuts. But always, he'd nap no more than 40 minutes (if I was lucky). He'd wake up tired, and then the next two hours were sad/tired with spots of happiness. By the end of the day, he would be so tired (as would I) that I'd be forced to put him to bed by 5:30pm on some nights. That meant he'd wake up by 5am in the morning - rough for me.
It didn't help that he stopped giving me long stretches when he first fell asleep at night. When younger, he used to sleep for 4-7 hours in his first stretch, but after his three-month regression, that stopped. Now he only slept for 2-3 hour batches and the second half of the night was even worse.
I knew that if I fixed the naps during the day, he'd sleep better at night, but nothing seemed to work. I tried rubbing or touching him near the end of his naps in order to restart his sleep cycle, I tried nursing or rocking him back to sleep when he woke up... I tried everything and it only worked twice in a month to get longer naps.
So here's my new bedtime routine (after choosing a logical sounding one from my group) that I started last night:
Night #1:
In our darkened room where he sleeps, change his diaper and give him a lotioned massage, put pajamas on and his sleep sack on, give medicine (Zantac). Nurse on one side while singing, paying attention to when he's done, say the prayer, switch sides, paying attention to when he's done. Unlatch him, sit him on my lap facing out and read him his one poetry book (while he's looking at the book). Hold him upright, on my shoulder, facing me and sing his last song. This gives him a chance to burp, spit up, and have his acid reflux tummy feel better (and he gets to try and eat my face). Last night he burped a bunch and even spit up a little, which surprised me. I didn't realize that he would still have so much air. I then put him in the crib, kiss him on the cheek, and leave. He wasn't sleeping when I left last night; he was watching me. I was certain it wasn't going to work, at least, not right away.
He started kvetching a little and cried a little so I went in after four minutes, picked him up on my shoulder, hummed the same last goodnight song, and put him down again. I left the room. He kvetched one little kvetch, and was quiet. He was sleeping by 6:08pm.
Tantan didn't wake up to nurse until 1:07am.
SEVEN HOURS. Oh my goodness.
The second half of the night wasn't so great. He woke up another 2-3 times and was up at 5am, at which time my husband put him in our Mamaroo rocker in the living room, where he fell asleep until 6:45am.
Day #1:
Naptime Routine:
I had decided to do the 90 minute nap cycle thingy. This meant that he should be napping every ninety minutes (not 2-2.5 hours like he used to). I was told that if I waited for signs of fussiness, he was already overtired. Fantastic. I wasn't sure this would work, but was willing to be a drill sergeant to enforce it. However, in the morning, I was way too tired to stay awake the full 90 minutes and baby fell asleep with me sometime in that time frame. Don't know when it was but he was all smiley when I woke up. So I started naptime for the day at about 10am. I shortened the routine: nursing one side with the short songs, paying attention to when he was done, switched sides. Held him upright on my shoulder while singing the longer song, put him down, kissed him and he watched me leave. He kvetched quietly and fell asleep. I didn't have to go back in.
He napped, as usual, until 10:40-10:45am (the last ten minutes were with me, nursing in bed). Short again, but I know eventually something has to work, right?
Nap #2. His next 90 minutes nap was due for 12:15pm, but he was tired. I could see it. So I changed him, completed the shortened routine, put him down and kissed him. He watched me walk out and he was quiet. Fell asleep by himself by 12:00pm. It's currently 12:41pm and I'm waiting for him to wake up....
He woke up at 12:50pm. A 50-minute nap! I'll take it!
Nap #3 & Bedtime. Fail. I waited an hour and he seemed very tired, so I started the process and he fought it. I tried for over half hour to get him to sleep but he refused. We ended up going for a walk with my husband to get ElyZ from Gan and he started bobbing asleep on our way home. We got home and started bedtime.
He cried after I put him down and I had to go in once... he ended up sleeping by 6:08pm (again!). It's now 8:42pm and the homefront is still quiet.... scratch that. He just woke up.
Le sigh. Tomorrow is another day.
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